Because my life has been way too blissfully simple, unstressful and non-scheduled I have taken on a part-time job. It's something I can do at home and I'm basically the personal assistant for some friends of ours in Canada trying to expand their business into Texas. One of the things I have been doing is posting job descriptions on various websites in the hopes of finding them some employees.
Parents of 22-30 year olds, did you not think your child would need to know how to write a resume??? The Chinese are definately going to take over the world if what I've seen roll in so far from degreed candidates is any indication of the next generation of American workers. And it pains me to say this, but the worst have been from the Hire Aggies website. See for yourself. These are taken from actual resumes submitted by adults that claim to want to be hired. Enjoy.
OBJECTIVE To receive a well paying position.
Server: Performed server duties .....tipped $100 on numerous occasions for outstanding service.
OBJECTIVE Seeking an entry level position as ________ in research at __________.
Major GPR: ___, Overall GPR: 2.849
Seriously, glad you let me know that you are looking for a well paying position, otherwise I might have thought you want to work for free. Thanks for the heads up on the $100 tips. When we want to order in for a working lunch I'll know who to ask to set the table. And really, if you can't bother to remember to properly fill in the blanks on your resume template how the hell did you manage to remember to put on underwear this morning.
Ahhhh, it sure feels good to work again.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Monday, November 9, 2009
As Told By Melissa
My sister-in-law's sister wrote this on Facebook and I thought it was so funny I just had to repost here for my friends to read. Enjoy.
*Note: Dear Grandma, I did not write the F word, my friend did. I am praying for her as I repost this and laughing my ass of.
Ok, so here in Austin there is ample opportunity to be annoyed by bumper stickers, so you basically have to turn off your analytical mind while driving, or else you'll give yourself an ulcer. But today, I saw one that really drove me crazy. It said, "The earth does not belong to us. We belong to the earth." Why does this make my head explode a little bit? It makes no fucking sense AND the conclusions you can draw from its propositions are actually harmful.
Let's examine this. Proposition 1: The earth does not belong to us. Ok. Fine. The person is trying to express that we should stop trashing it. There are a couple problems here. A. People tend to take better care of their own property than they do of community property, so I'm more likely to litter on someone else's land than my own land. Maybe if the earth did belong to "us" we'd be more careful with it. B. Available empirical evidence DOES seem to suggest that the earth belongs to many of us. I know my parents have property titles. They also don't pour used motor oil on their own ground. (You should see them dumping barrels of crude on our neighbors' land though! Hilarious.) Now the ocean on the other hand, that doesn't really belong to anyone, so who is supposed to be keeping it clean? Community property is almost always a victim of free riders if it's not properly regulated. If I owned the ocean, I'd make damn sure that no one was overfishing it, so as to preserve its value.
Proposition 2: We belong to the earth. Now this is certainly the most obnoxious part, because it makes zero sense. A. Prove it. B. Ok, you're trying to say that when we die we all eventually return to the earth in some way, like as ashes or in the form of our blood running through the streets... Yeah, but this doesn't disprove that we own the earth, because when you die you relinquish your property rights anyway. So we can in fact die, having owned the earth, and then pass on our ownership to someone else. C. Let's say the earth DOES own us. The earth is a shitty property manager. If I were the earth and I owned all the humans, I'd evict about half of them. Now you may say, yees yees, that is what the earth is trying to do with hurricanes and shit. But then the earth is just stupid, because its really not targeting its enemies very well. People who tend to die from natural disasters are often people who are pretty darn poor and lacking in transportation away from said disaster, and you know what else poor people often do? (When possible) They conserve their scarce resources.
Now if I were to go find this lovely Whole Foods patron who so naively displays this illogical car art, and explain to her that her reasoning is flawed and actually counterproductive, I'm guessing she might employ some sort of interpretive dance hand motions to express to me that I'm missing the point because there is some sort of spiritual, communal vibe to it. Ok, whatever. So maybe I'm "reading too much into it." Well you know what? You're the one who posted this crap on your car for ALL to see, whether they want to or not, with some sort of childish hope that maybe one person would refuse that plastic bag at the grocery store or donate to Green Peace. Let's not dumb down these conversations. Let's admit that pragmatic solutions to problems, like well-defined property rights and regulatory bodies who actually have some sort of bite to them, are a good way to preserve the value of the earth's resources. Don't even get me started on all the terrible environmental destruction that has occurred in Africa (oil and water), the Phillipines (forests), and Brazil (forests) as a result of a few temporary politicians raping the resources that belong to "the state" and then retiring to the Bahamas or wherever. Oh also, take a look at the Iraq constitution where it says that "the oil belongs to the Iraqi people." Right.
So in conclusion, fuck bumper stickers.
*Note: Dear Grandma, I did not write the F word, my friend did. I am praying for her as I repost this and laughing my ass of.
Ok, so here in Austin there is ample opportunity to be annoyed by bumper stickers, so you basically have to turn off your analytical mind while driving, or else you'll give yourself an ulcer. But today, I saw one that really drove me crazy. It said, "The earth does not belong to us. We belong to the earth." Why does this make my head explode a little bit? It makes no fucking sense AND the conclusions you can draw from its propositions are actually harmful.
Let's examine this. Proposition 1: The earth does not belong to us. Ok. Fine. The person is trying to express that we should stop trashing it. There are a couple problems here. A. People tend to take better care of their own property than they do of community property, so I'm more likely to litter on someone else's land than my own land. Maybe if the earth did belong to "us" we'd be more careful with it. B. Available empirical evidence DOES seem to suggest that the earth belongs to many of us. I know my parents have property titles. They also don't pour used motor oil on their own ground. (You should see them dumping barrels of crude on our neighbors' land though! Hilarious.) Now the ocean on the other hand, that doesn't really belong to anyone, so who is supposed to be keeping it clean? Community property is almost always a victim of free riders if it's not properly regulated. If I owned the ocean, I'd make damn sure that no one was overfishing it, so as to preserve its value.
Proposition 2: We belong to the earth. Now this is certainly the most obnoxious part, because it makes zero sense. A. Prove it. B. Ok, you're trying to say that when we die we all eventually return to the earth in some way, like as ashes or in the form of our blood running through the streets... Yeah, but this doesn't disprove that we own the earth, because when you die you relinquish your property rights anyway. So we can in fact die, having owned the earth, and then pass on our ownership to someone else. C. Let's say the earth DOES own us. The earth is a shitty property manager. If I were the earth and I owned all the humans, I'd evict about half of them. Now you may say, yees yees, that is what the earth is trying to do with hurricanes and shit. But then the earth is just stupid, because its really not targeting its enemies very well. People who tend to die from natural disasters are often people who are pretty darn poor and lacking in transportation away from said disaster, and you know what else poor people often do? (When possible) They conserve their scarce resources.
Now if I were to go find this lovely Whole Foods patron who so naively displays this illogical car art, and explain to her that her reasoning is flawed and actually counterproductive, I'm guessing she might employ some sort of interpretive dance hand motions to express to me that I'm missing the point because there is some sort of spiritual, communal vibe to it. Ok, whatever. So maybe I'm "reading too much into it." Well you know what? You're the one who posted this crap on your car for ALL to see, whether they want to or not, with some sort of childish hope that maybe one person would refuse that plastic bag at the grocery store or donate to Green Peace. Let's not dumb down these conversations. Let's admit that pragmatic solutions to problems, like well-defined property rights and regulatory bodies who actually have some sort of bite to them, are a good way to preserve the value of the earth's resources. Don't even get me started on all the terrible environmental destruction that has occurred in Africa (oil and water), the Phillipines (forests), and Brazil (forests) as a result of a few temporary politicians raping the resources that belong to "the state" and then retiring to the Bahamas or wherever. Oh also, take a look at the Iraq constitution where it says that "the oil belongs to the Iraqi people." Right.
So in conclusion, fuck bumper stickers.
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Things That Make Me Go ARRGGHHHH!
Have you seen this?
The best part of the whole thing is where she walks her child down the aisle of artificially colored, sugar filled drinks and puts her arm around him as to say, someday son, maybe the economy will turn around and we won't have to drink water anymore.
When I was a kid we rarely had "extra" stuff in our fridge and pantry like popular soft drinks and snacks. I can remember going over to other kid's houses and seeing their pantries bursting at the seams with fruit roll ups, Oreos and other goodies. Damn my mom and her desire to only feed us real food! Our idea of a sugary splurge were those little Kool Aid packets you could get 10 for a dollar. Mom would mix them in a gallon pitcher with a cup of sugar and water and then call it juice. She claims now that she didn't know any better, that's just how people fed their kids then. People, we know better.
Our kids are fat. A first grader with a cholesterol problem is child abuse. I don't know if taxing the foods that cause our kids to be fat is the ultimate answer, but if it causes one parent to decide to pass on the crap this week and make do with water or 100% juice (which my kids think is a special treat), then who are we REALLY harming? The hundreds of corporations that are fighting against this tax because making our kids fat is their business, that's who.
The best part of the whole thing is where she walks her child down the aisle of artificially colored, sugar filled drinks and puts her arm around him as to say, someday son, maybe the economy will turn around and we won't have to drink water anymore.
When I was a kid we rarely had "extra" stuff in our fridge and pantry like popular soft drinks and snacks. I can remember going over to other kid's houses and seeing their pantries bursting at the seams with fruit roll ups, Oreos and other goodies. Damn my mom and her desire to only feed us real food! Our idea of a sugary splurge were those little Kool Aid packets you could get 10 for a dollar. Mom would mix them in a gallon pitcher with a cup of sugar and water and then call it juice. She claims now that she didn't know any better, that's just how people fed their kids then. People, we know better.
Our kids are fat. A first grader with a cholesterol problem is child abuse. I don't know if taxing the foods that cause our kids to be fat is the ultimate answer, but if it causes one parent to decide to pass on the crap this week and make do with water or 100% juice (which my kids think is a special treat), then who are we REALLY harming? The hundreds of corporations that are fighting against this tax because making our kids fat is their business, that's who.
Monday, October 26, 2009
Real Women Move Heavy Things
I had to to go the doctor last week for back pain, something that I have never had an issue with in my entire life. Apparently I have been lifting and heaving too many boxes and large pieces of furniture over the past few weeks. Lack of a husband will cause one to do such things when one has barely moved into a new house. So now I have back pain pills which is cool, but the side affects (or effects, whatever the hell is right) cause me to have to drink lots of prune juice which is not so cool. I assured the doctor I would not lift anything else for a few weeks, right after I finish tidying up the garage from when my husband "tidied up the garage" and after I finish decorating the dining room which has a large armoire right in my way.
I still suck at decorating, but I am pleased with these spaces so far. There is still lots to do in the house, but I am officially on a painting hiatus and hope to stay that way until after the new year.
I fall more in love with this house every day. My parents were here for Avery's birthday and they both seemed to be very proud of this real estate decision. We always liked our house in Sugar Land, but never really loved it. Well, maybe I did love my KitchenAid appliances that I didn't even get to enjoy for a year...you're welcome new, ungrateful homeowners.
But back to this house, the neighbors have all been really great so far and the home is just so open, but cozy. I have been able to stay on top of the cleaning in this house and so far no one has fallen down the one single stair leading into the front door and broken a rib. That in no way guarantees any future avoidance of drunken rib breaking but the downsizing of the number of stairs is bound to work in our favor.
So, here is my finished dining room (well, it could use a few more accessories and a new rug):
And here is the girls' bathroom, also in need of more hot pink accessories:
I still suck at decorating, but I am pleased with these spaces so far. There is still lots to do in the house, but I am officially on a painting hiatus and hope to stay that way until after the new year.
I fall more in love with this house every day. My parents were here for Avery's birthday and they both seemed to be very proud of this real estate decision. We always liked our house in Sugar Land, but never really loved it. Well, maybe I did love my KitchenAid appliances that I didn't even get to enjoy for a year...you're welcome new, ungrateful homeowners.
But back to this house, the neighbors have all been really great so far and the home is just so open, but cozy. I have been able to stay on top of the cleaning in this house and so far no one has fallen down the one single stair leading into the front door and broken a rib. That in no way guarantees any future avoidance of drunken rib breaking but the downsizing of the number of stairs is bound to work in our favor.
Monday, October 19, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Life's Little Surprises
This morning I had my MOPS meeting and at the last minute I decided to go. MOPS is a group of stay at home moms that meet at a church in Houston and basically provide support to each other and a break from the kiddos every other week as childcare is provided by the church free of charge. The speaker today was supposed to be the church's pastor and he was to talk about marriage. I'm not a big fan of listening to preachers talk about marriage because the marriage they usually talk about is not my marriage. And we like our marriage the way it is thank you very much.
Apparently the pastor forgot that he was supposed to be talking to us and instead we got an assistant pastor whose wife is in our group so basically he couldn't say anything that would tick her off...the world submissive didn't come up once. Amen.
He actually talked about the role of the stay at home mom, a role that after two years I'm starting to settle in to. The talk was pretty good, especially given the fact he had all of ten minutes to prepare. He spoke about our role as our husband's helper and assistant. He made the point that it's not the easiest job in the world being the sole breadwinner for an entire family (especially in this economy) and that as the primary shopper in the family we, as the wife/mother, should take care of the family finances in a very frugal manner. This in turn makes our husbands feel more secure in their role as breadwinner...they feel as though they have won enough bread.
On the way home I began to go over in my mind all that I have spent on decorating our new house in an attempt to have a nice place for my breadwinner to come home to. As I started to feel guilty I began to list the items I could still take back rather than hang on the wall. Then it came to me...a sign.
I checked our mail and found a check from the insurance company for overpayment on the house insurance at closing.
What guilt was I talking about?
Apparently the pastor forgot that he was supposed to be talking to us and instead we got an assistant pastor whose wife is in our group so basically he couldn't say anything that would tick her off...the world submissive didn't come up once. Amen.
He actually talked about the role of the stay at home mom, a role that after two years I'm starting to settle in to. The talk was pretty good, especially given the fact he had all of ten minutes to prepare. He spoke about our role as our husband's helper and assistant. He made the point that it's not the easiest job in the world being the sole breadwinner for an entire family (especially in this economy) and that as the primary shopper in the family we, as the wife/mother, should take care of the family finances in a very frugal manner. This in turn makes our husbands feel more secure in their role as breadwinner...they feel as though they have won enough bread.
On the way home I began to go over in my mind all that I have spent on decorating our new house in an attempt to have a nice place for my breadwinner to come home to. As I started to feel guilty I began to list the items I could still take back rather than hang on the wall. Then it came to me...a sign.
I checked our mail and found a check from the insurance company for overpayment on the house insurance at closing.
What guilt was I talking about?
Thursday, October 1, 2009
Would You Like Some Rant With Your Lunch?
I just got back from having lunch with Ryleigh up at her school. It was fun, hanging out with all those little kids. They're all so cute and sweet and....JUST KIDDING!!
God bless our teachers, those kids are crazy! They make you take your kid and go sit over at a table by yourself and what an excellent idea that is. I still could barely hear my kids over all the chatter though. After we were done eating Ryleigh took me over to meet all of her friends. There are some really sweet girls in her class but the boys were just out of control. An all girls school isn't sounding too shabby right about now. After lunch all the kids had to line up against the wall. I was talking to Ryleigh and her friends and then I turn and look over and the boys are holding their lunch boxes up in the air and letting the other boys kick at it. Geeze! They responded well to me telling them to stop but really, I now get what Ryleigh is talking about when she says the boys are always causing trouble. Man, I love my girls.
What killed me though was seeing what some parents send in their child's lunchbox. And would you believe it, the kids with the most fatty and sugary items are the ones that are already overweight at the age of 5. Go figure. I'm not saying that I'm the role model of health consciousness, but really, if you send BBQ potato chips and sugary kool-aid to school with your kid for lunch you can just expect them to grow up and have the habits and the health of someone who ate BBQ potato chips and sugary kool-aid every day for lunch. Word.
God bless our teachers, those kids are crazy! They make you take your kid and go sit over at a table by yourself and what an excellent idea that is. I still could barely hear my kids over all the chatter though. After we were done eating Ryleigh took me over to meet all of her friends. There are some really sweet girls in her class but the boys were just out of control. An all girls school isn't sounding too shabby right about now. After lunch all the kids had to line up against the wall. I was talking to Ryleigh and her friends and then I turn and look over and the boys are holding their lunch boxes up in the air and letting the other boys kick at it. Geeze! They responded well to me telling them to stop but really, I now get what Ryleigh is talking about when she says the boys are always causing trouble. Man, I love my girls.
What killed me though was seeing what some parents send in their child's lunchbox. And would you believe it, the kids with the most fatty and sugary items are the ones that are already overweight at the age of 5. Go figure. I'm not saying that I'm the role model of health consciousness, but really, if you send BBQ potato chips and sugary kool-aid to school with your kid for lunch you can just expect them to grow up and have the habits and the health of someone who ate BBQ potato chips and sugary kool-aid every day for lunch. Word.
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