Five Months

Dear Avery,

Today, you are five months old. When your sister Ryleigh was born, I immediately wrote her a letter to let her know exactly the way her birth made me feel. I continued to write her letters once a month for several months after her birth with the intention having proof that I love her very, very much when she someday becomes a teenager and totally hates my guts because I’m totally lame and totally don’t understand…totally. This is the first letter that I have been able to write to you, despite my purest intentions each passing month, because, well….damn, two kids are a lot of work.

So, allow me to bear my soul for a moment. When I was pregnant with you, I wondered almost every day how it was ever going to be possible for me to love you, to totally dig you and cherish you as much as I do Ryleigh. I mean, everyone told me that I would love you just as much as I do Ryleigh, but I just couldn’t see how. I imagined that perhaps half of the love that I have for Ryleigh would break off and somehow attach itself to you. When I was engaged to your father, I read this book about relationships and marriage. It spoke about how we all have “love banks” designated to each person in our lives. As each person does a good thing for us, we make deposits into their bank and when they fail us, we make a withdrawal. When you were born, Ryleigh’s love bank did not split down the middle and attach half of itself to you. A whole new bank was created in your name and in it was placed a fortune the immediately began generating interest at an astronomical rate. My heart doubled in size and as I held you and your sister close to me the night of your birth. I just could not believe how much I had been blessed with such an incredible family; my supportive husband and beautiful girls.

Life with you in it has been amazingly rewarding and fulfilling. You are such an easy baby. At first, you only wanted to sleep in my arms or on my chest. You were a natural nurser from the very beginning and close to mamma is where you wanted to stay. Around 2 ½ months you magically began sleeping in your own bed and you are now up to 10+ hours a night of straight through the night sleeping. I know from your sister that this may not stay this way, but it sure is nice while it’s here.

While the two of you are bound to have your ups, downs and in betweens, your sister is very connected to you right now. She loves to make you laugh and loves to let you pull her hair. She insists on giving you hugs and kisses each morning, each night and as much as possible in between. She helps me change your diapers and give you a bath. She’s very anxious to begin to feed you, while I’m perfectly happy not having to grind up your food yet. Ryleigh lets everyone know that she is YOUR big sister and has shown very little jealously towards you. She’s an excellent big sister and the two of you are so lucky to have each other.

It’s late and I’m off to bed. I can’t wait to see you in the morning. To see you smile at me when I go to pick you up. Your smile could melt the ice caps. It just makes the whole world seem like a better place. Tomorrow we’re off to get you and your sister’s pictures made together. I hope that someday you can look at those pictures, read this letter and maybe understand just a fraction of the total happiness that I am feeling right now.

Love, mama