Drugs are Bad, Umkay?

I don't recall smoking crack but it must have happened because a few weeks ago I signed up and even paid $100 to take part in a sprint triathlon. A sprint triathlon is not a full triathlon but it is indeed going to kick my ass. Any race that involves 300m of swimming, 10 miles of biking and 3 miles of running really does not deserve to have the term "sprint" placed in front of it.

Why would I be so stupid as to sign up for such an event when I could have just enjoyed the crack and gone about my business? Well, number one I have always wanted to do one. And, number two, I am getting older and fatter every second and apparently that's not going to change so really, it's now or never.

I have begun my official training which means I get to work my butt off and not eat donuts from now until October 17th. I'm no stranger to working my butt off, I did it for 10 years while swimming competitively, I did it in preparation for my wedding and I did it while I was in Canada because there really are just so many hours a day you can stare out your window and hope a moose will walk by. A diet without donuts, now that's going to be the hard part.

I have a confession to make, and don't hate me, but I have never "dieted". Never done Adkins, Weight Watchers, Slim Fast, Jenny Craig or any other nonsensical exercise in self degradation. I just absolutely loathe any sort of program which involves creating for yourself an even greater obsession with food than when you started. Okay, I take that back... in college I was too poor to order desert, or an appetizer, or a drink other than water...or dinner most of the time so, instead I went home and had a few slices of not-really-lunch meat and went to sleep before I got hungry again...this proved to be an effective involuntary diet I suppose. That being said, my current regular diet is at least, decent. I eat lean cuts of meat and lots of fruits and veggies... I just balance it all out with plenty of cookies and ice cream.

But for this event, I've committed myself to a much more strict diet. No sweets, no adult beverages and no kolaches, pizza or barbecue until after I kick this race's ass. So, if you see me cheating, call me out. Remind me of what I have coming to me, of how hard it's going to be dragging that one extra donut across the finish line. I just think that if I'm going to do this thing, I might as well give it my all. See how good I can be and how fast I can finish because guess what....I read they're going to have donuts and pizza at the finish line.